This week we’ll be celebrating Thanksgiving in the United States, which is a holiday that involves spending lots of time with family, eating enough turkey to put us into a mini coma, and watching the Detroit Lions lose at football. It doesn’t have the commercial appeal of Christmas or even Halloween. There’s no candy or gifts handed out. It’s just a time to pause and be thankful for what we have around us. Something we don’t do near enough of.
The most valuable thing we have around us is our family. It’s our most important ministry.
I think we would all agree, but for whatever reason it’s easy to get distracted and lose sight of this.
Far too many pastors have lost their families in the name of ministry.
Don’t make this mistake. Take the steps necessary to make sure your family never feels like they’re competing with the church.
I’m a young father, and I’m sure many of you have far more knowledge on this subject than me, but I’d love to share with you a few things I’ve tried to do to make sure I’m appreciating my family.
- Limit the time I spend at work. I could easily work 60 hours a week. There’s always things that need to be done. I choose not to. I work around 45 hours a week. What doesn’t get done this week will be waiting on me next week. I’m gone one evening a week for student ministry and on rare occasions I’ll lead an evening small group. The rest of my nights are spent at home with my family. When my kids grow up, I’m sure I’ll work more, but for right now being at home is more important than anything I could be doing away from it.
- Be smart with money. I do my best to live on a budget and avoid going into debt. This means I live in a smaller house and don’t buy new cars. My 1999 Toyota 4Runner currently gets me to where I need to go. Saying no to a few wants here and there has allowed my wife to work part-time for most of our marriage and is now allowing her to be a stay at home mom. That means more to me than any purchase I could make.
- Prioritize my marriage. I’ve tried my best to have a monthly date night, although it hasn’t been as consistent as I’d like. Babysitters are sometimes hard to come by. The past four years we’ve taken a mini vacation by ourselves. We’ve been to Las Vegas, Cancun, and New York City. Each year we also make sure to be a part of at least one couples small group at our church.
- Create Special Moments. Thanksgiving for us can be hectic as we travel to spend time with different sides of the family throughout the weekend. So, I started a tradition of staying at a large resort hotel on Thanksgiving night with just my wife and girls. It’s a special moment for just us. We also try to take big vacations. We’ve been to Disney World three times in the past five years, and although my kids may not always remember it, my wife and I will.
In no way am I trying to say I’m a perfect husband or father. Please don’t think that. I don’t have it all figured out, and there are times my family would probably like to replace me. But I’d like to think I’ve made some wise decisions along the way, and hopefully some of them will help you as well.
If your family was rating you as a father or mother, what do you think they would say? Are there areas you need to work on? Let us know by leaving a comment below, and don’t forget while you’re here make sure to subscribe to the blog to get tips on church growth, leadership, and more delivered to your inbox each week.